


Gay as Blazes

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-18
Updated: 2005-01-18
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin read some Gay as Blazes fan fic.





	Gay as Blazes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin whistled and shook his head incredulously. 

"What?" asked Brian without looking up from the sofa where he was ensconced, surrounded by files which had seemingly either exploded or divided exponentially. 

Tapping the computer screen, Justin said, "I can't believe this shit."

"What shit?"

"These stories."

Finally looking up, Brian smirked. "You reading straight porn again?"

"No," he replied, indignation in his voice. "Gay as Blazes fan fic." 

Realizing that he was not going to be able to get back to work until he came to see what Justin was reading, Brian got up and dutifully padded over to the desk. "So show me."

Justin pointed to the screen. "Read that."

" 'Hey Julian lets fuck!' said Buck." Brian looked askance at Justin. "Buck? A gay guy named Buck?" 

"Just read it."

"Back to War and Peace. 'Oh Buck I'm not in the mood?' said Julian." Again Brian looked at Justin. "Isn't that supposed to be a statement?"

"Keep going, it gets better."

" 'Your always in the mood!' said Buck. Justin, why the fuck are there exclamation marks at the end of every fuckin' sentence?"

"You're asking me? I didn't write it."

"And 'Your always in the mood?' "

"Well, it's obvious grammar's not this person's strong suit."

"And this is on a public board?"

"Uh-huh. Keep going."

" 'Oh Julian baby your so beautiful! I love you so much! I just want to fuck you all the time!' said Buck." With a raised brow, Brian asked, "Wait, isn't Buck the asshole on the show?"

"Thought you never watched it," said Justin with a knowing smirk.

"I might have seen it once or twice in Woody's. Emmett wouldn't change the fuckin' channel. Anyway, so why would the asshole sound like this?"

"He wouldn't and he doesn't."

"So, I guess this person never saw the show, huh?"

"Oh no, watches it all the time. Least that's what she claims." Suddenly his eyes began to gleam. "Wait, wait, this'll be fun." 

With an eyebrow raised, Brian waited while Justin printed out the story, not once but twice and handed him a copy. 

"Okay, you read Buck's part and I'll read Julian's and we have to read the sentences that go with their parts too."

Brian wondered if he still had those restraints in his toy box because apparently Justin had just lost his fuckin' mind. 

Reading his expression, Justin pouted. "Come on, it'll be hilarious." He licked his lips until they glistened. "And I'll make it worth your while."

"How?"

Justin held up four fingers. Mouthed, "Blowjobs."

"Make it five and you've got a deal."

"Deal." Justin went and got them a couple of beers while Brian lit up a doobie. Might as well be high if they were going to do this. They settled down on the floor, Brian with his back to the sofa and Justin belly down one of the futon cushions. "Read your last line again."

" 'Oh Julian baby your so beautiful! I love you so much! I just want to fuck you all the time!' said Buck." 

" 'Oh Buck I love you're cock but my ass is still store from this morning!' said Julian. Julian and Buck always had a good morning fuck as Buck woke up every day with a hardon that his baby took care of first thing." 

"Now that's service," Brian grinned then read, " 'I promise I'll take it easy on you baby!' said Buck." Brian paused. "Look, can we stop saying, 'said Buck' and 'said Julian'?"

"If it's on the page, you have to say it."

"Jesus, this person can't write."

"Yeah, yeah. Where were we?" He found his place and began to read. "So Buck and Julian ran to the bed and took off their clothes. Julian layed down and stared at Buck's huge cock. He was gobsmacked by the size of it." 

Brian was barely holding it in and finally he just burst out laughing. "Gobsmacked?"

"That's what it says. Now, hush. I'm trying to read," Justin said imperiously even though he was giggling as he took a toke and handed Brian back the joint. "He was gobsmacked by the size of it. 'Holy shit Buck you're cock is so huge! Stick it in me!' said Julian."

" 'I will!' said Buck. And he turned Julian over and lubed his fingers and stuck them in his whole and scissored them back and forth to losen Julian up. When Julian was lose Buck put on a condom and then pushed his rock hard nine inch dick inside Julian's perfectly round ass and fucked him."

" 'Oh God oh God!' said Julian. 'I love you!' " said Julian as he came."

" 'I love you to baby' said Buck as he came." Brian snorted. "That's what they all say. Actually, they'd say too t, o, o if they were literate since that's the correct word."

"No editorializing."

"Buck pulled out and thats when he noticed that the condom had broke. 'Fuck!' said Buck."

" 'What?' said Julian."

" 'The condom broke!' " said Buck."

" 'The condom broke!' " said Julian."

" 'Its okay I get tested every six months you went with me the lat time so you know Im safe!' said Buck."

" 'But what if I get pregnant?' said Julian."

Brian nearly spit out the beer he was drinking. "Fuck!" Justin bent over in laughter. "What are these bitches smoking and can I have some?"

"Mpreg," explained Julian.

"Mpreg?"

"Male pregnancy."

"Now I have heard fuckin' everything." He took a toke and exhaled. "You realize I'm gonna have nightmares tonight?"

"You'll be too worn out from your five blowjobs," Justin promised.

"Make it six. This shit is crazier than I thought."

"Six." Justin snickered. Like that was any hardship. "Back to the story."

"Yeah, yeah." He read down the page until he got to his place. " 'If you get pregnant we will have the baby' said Buck."

" 'Butt Fuck I'm scared. Will it hurt' said Julian."

"Like a motherfuck," snorted Brian. Then he giggled. "It says 'Butt Fuck'. I wonder which one she meant." 

Justin took the joint away from Brian. "I think you've had enough." 

Brian turned back to the pages in his hands. " 'Yes it will hurt Baby but I'll be right there with you all the way!' said Buck and he took Julian's hand and stared into his beautiful blue eyes the bluest eyes anyone had ever seen. 'I love you!' said Buck."

" 'I love you!' said Julian. 'And if I am pregnant I will have this baby. What do you think we should name him?' "

" 'Let's name him BJ!' said Buck."

" 'Short for Buck Julian!' said Julian."

"Short for Blowjob," said Brian and he and Justin both laughed so hard they had tears in their eyes. Brian took the ashtray with the joint in it into the kitchen. "I think we've both had enough." 

Justin wiped his eyes. "Shit, that was funny."

"Buck and Julian were so happy that they could hardly wait to find out if Julian was pregnant. They got up and went to the drugstore and brought a pregnancy test. Buck waited outside the bathroom while Julian took the test. Julian comes out of the bathroom." Brian stopped. "It just changed tense."

"People do that all the time," Justin assured him. " 'Its blue! I'm pregnant!' says Julian."

"Buck hugged Julian and gave him a huge kiss that sucked all the oxygen from their lungs." Brian raised a brow. "Which in a better world would mean that they'd both drop dead from oxygen deprivation and this story would be over." Justin glared at him. "I'm just saying..."

"Read."

Putting on his happy face, Brian read. " 'I love you Baby! You make me so happy!' said Buck."

" 'Lets tell everyone!' said Julian." 

" 'First' said Buck getting down on one knee, 'I have to ask you something.' "

"Julians eye began to tear up. He knows what is coming."

"Will you be my bitch?" asked Brian barely getting it out before he crumpled against the couch laughing. 

Justin pushed him. "Read what it says."

Brian straightened up and put on a serious face. " 'Oh Julian I have loved you ever since the first night we met. I have never loved anyone like I love you. Will you marry me?' said Buck."

" 'I will marry you Buck!' said Julian and they kiss." Justin fell silent, his eyes fixed on the paper as if he were afraid to look up at his lover.

Wanting to break the sudden tension in the room, Brian asked, "I wonder if he'll give him a ring?"

"Probably something cheap that'll turn his finger green," Justin replied, unconsciously touching the finger on which he'd worn Ethan's ring. 

Brian chuckled as he'd always thought that about that cheap piece of shit ring Ethan had given Justin. "If I were to give a guy a ring, you know it'd be the best."

"Platinum," said Justin, getting into the game. "With diamonds."

"Maybe sapphires," Brian countered. "To match his eyes. The most beautiful, blue eyes the world has ever seen."

A small smile crossed Justin's lips. He glanced up at Brian through thick, blond lashes. "Let's finish reading. I wanna see what happens." 

"The next day Buck and Julian go to Julian's mom's house. 'Hi mom!' says Buck who calls Julian's mother mom as his own mother is a bitch." Brian raised a brow. "I can relate." 

"I think my mom's head would explode if you called her Mom."

"I think my head would explode if I called her Mom. And I don't mean my dick head." 

"She likes you, you know."

"Yeah. Remind me not to give you the good stuff to smoke anymore. It's obviously too strong for you, little boy."

Ignoring him Justin continued to read. "Julian's mom looked at him and saw that he was glowing. 'Hey baby are you sick?' she said."

" 'No I'm pregnant!' said Julian."

" 'Oh my God I'm so happy for you!' said Jamie and she hugged Julian and then hugged Buck too."

" 'Guess what!' said Buck. 'Were getting married!' "

" 'I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle!' said Jamie."

"You mean waddle down the aisle," quipped Brian. 

"Would you still love me if I were pregnant?"

"Are you kidding? With the money we'd make from selling our story, we could buy fuckin' Tahiti and retire."

"I'd just be a freak to you," pouted Justin, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Justin, you'd be a freak to everybody," laughed Brian, then he reached out and pulled Justin to him. "But you'd be my freak." Kissed him. "My super freak."

"Thank you, Rick James," said Justin.

"I'm surprised you even know who Rick James is. Was."

"I saw him on Chappelle's Show. 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' "

Not sure just what happened, Brian turned back to the story. "After leaving Jamie's house, Buck and Julian went to see their doctor, Dr. Chandra, an Indian woman." At this Brian stopped. "No fuckin' way would I have a woman doctor. That's how you can tell they're not really gay."

Justin shook his head. "Not everyone's as big a heterophobe as you."

"Would you want some woman to stick her hand up your ass?"

Justin scrunched up his face. "Ew."

"My point exactly. Anyway." He checked his place. " 'Dr. Chandra!' said Buck, 'Julian is pregnant!' " Brian chuckled. "Okay, and here is where we get our reality check."

"Uh-uh," Justin told him. "Keep reading."

" 'Julian and Buck, I'm so happy for you!' said Dr. Chandra." Brian looked up in disbelief. Justin made a motion with his hand for him to go on. " 'A number of my gay male patients have become pregnant in recent years.' " Brian's mouth fell open. "Okay, I can see if they were victims of some kind of hideous medical experimentation or alien abductions or something like that but she just says it like it's no big deal. Oh yeah, I have gay male patients who get pregnant all the time. La la la la la," he sang. 

"Can you do that again?" teased Justin and received the one finger salute in reply.

"Besides that, it takes a while before you even know you're pregnant. It's not like you fuck and then the next day you can take a test. Jesus. Even I know that and I don't know shit about babies." 

"We will suspend our disbelief," Justin instructed, then he picked up the narrative where Brian left off. " 'Now, let's get you an ultrasound!' said Dr. Chandra." Justin heard Brian snort. "Dr. Chandra ran the wand over Julian's stomach and gave a gasp."

"An alien popped out of his stomach."

Ignoring Brian, Justin continued. " 'What?' said Julian.

" 'Your having triplets!' said Dr. Chandra." 

" 'Yes!' said Bunk. 'That is some powerful spunk.' "

" 'But Buck how are we going to take care of three kids?' said Julian." 

" 'We'll get the guys to help' said Buck."

" 'Buck I don't want our kids being raised by queens' said Julian."

" 'Guess that leaves us out then' said Buck."

"So time passes and the day comes when Julian is due to have his babies. He and Buck have sold Buck's loft and bought the most perfect house and had the most perfect wedding and now they only had to wait for the arrival of their precious bundles of joy for everything to be perfect.

"Julian woke up in the morning and felt a pain in his back and stomach. The babies were coming! 'Buck!' he said 'the babies are coming! Lets go!' "

"Buck fell out of bed he was so surprised. He got dress and helped Julian get dressed and grabbed the suitcase from beside the front door and drove to the hospital. They called Dr. Chandra from the car and she met them at the hospital. By the time they got to the hospital Julian was in really bad pain. Dr. Chandra was waiting when they got to the hospital and she checked Julian and said that he was almost dialated enough for the babies to be born." Brian stopped reading. "I can't read the rest of this."

"Brian—"

"No fuckin' way do I want to read about some guy shitting out babies." He shuddered. "Goddamn! That's just fuckin' gross."

"Brian, you've licked guys' asses and you've stuck your dick up guys' asses."

"And your point is?" 

Justin covered his face. "I'll read. It's to my part anyway." He glanced over the page and grimaced a little. "That is pretty gross," he admitted but he read on. "When Julian was fully dialated they took him to the birthing room. Buck held his hand and coached him as the dr. assisted in the birth of the triplets. As each contraction hit, Julian screamed and gripped Buck's hand so hard he thought it was going to break. But nothing was worse than the stream of profanity that Julian spoted. 'I am never letting you near my ass again!' he said. 'If I even see your cock I'm going to cut it off! You fuckin' asshole, you did this to me! Ow, my ass! My ass hurts! Fuck you!' "

Brian laughed until his stomach cramped. "Shit. You would never say that, would you?"

"If I had to pop three kids out of my asshole you bet I would. And you would never fuck me again."

"Pussy boy, have some balls."

"I'll remind you of that the next time I want to fuck you with that really big dildo of yours." He grinned. "You know, the foot long one."

Brian winced. "Shit. You are never getting near my ass with that thing again." He still could feel phantom pain from the one time he'd let Justin ram that fucker up his ass. 

Chuckling, Justin went back to the story. "They hadn't wanted to know the sex of the babies so they were surprised when the dr. told them that they had a boy and then another boy and then a third. Three identical twins!"

" 'Oh baby you did so good!' said Buck as the nurses handed them their beautiful babies. Actually two of the babies were blond and one was darker haired." 

"Julian held the dark-haired baby against his chest and cried. He loved his babies so much already." Justin smiled. "That's kind of sweet." Brian rolled his eyes. "I remember that night we went to see Gus in the hospital and you held him. He was so tiny and so beautiful. I remember he reached out and touched your face. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah," said Brian softly. "He was beautiful, wasn't he?"

"Still is. Looks just like his daddy."

"Except he didn't have any hair for the longest time."

"Well, he's got plenty now." Justin ran his fingers through Brian's hair. "Just like yours."

Eyelids falling lazily over his eyes, Brian nearly purred. He loved it when Justin played with his hair. "Let's finish this damn story already so we can play."

" 'kay." Justin took up the pages. " 'What do we want to name them?' said Julian."

" 'I say we call them BB, BJ, and JJ and they can decide what they want they're initials to stand for' joked Buck." 

" 'Buck!' said Julian not at all amused by his husband's joke." 

" 'Okay, what about Buck Buck, Buck Julian, and Julian Julian!' said Buck."

"Julian rolled his eyes. 'Asshole!' but he laughed to because it was kinda funny." Justin was openly giggling and Brian struggled with his lines as well.

" 'Okay, Barry, Maurice, and Robin!' said Buck." Brian snorted beer up his nose and almost choked. " 'Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego!' " 

"Julian laughed so hard he almost dropped the baby he had in his arms. 'Shut up!' he yelled and then came up with a suggestion of his own. 'How about Chuck D, Flavor Flav, and Professor Griff!' he said sarcastically."

" 'Works for me!' said Buck."

"Giving Buck the evil eye, Julian told the nurses 'Michael, David, and Benjamin.' "

Brian frowned. "That's weird."

"Tell me about it. Who would want to name their kid after Michael Jackson?" asked Justin. 

"They're Biblical names, twat."

"Duh, really? And don't call me twat," Justin told him. 

"Then stop acting like one." 

Justin nudged Brian with his foot and struggled when Brian caught said foot and began to tickle the sole. "Stop! Brian, stop! Stop it!" he yelled in between giggling. When the tickling finally stopped, Justin caught his breath and muttered, "Asshole."

"And I answer to it in fifteen different languages," Brian boasted before picking up the story again. "So the babies got names and the two men took them home the next day. And no matter how many times people saw them out together, no one could believe that Buck Rogers had finally settled down." Brian howled before he could get the last words out. "Fuck!" He gave Justin a huge kiss on the lips. "That was the funniest shit I've read in a long time. Give me more."

"Really?"

"Fuck no, have you gone crazy?" Brian asked as he tossed aside the crumpled pages. "If I wanted to be tortured I'd go down to Steel Magnolias and let the fuckin' leather lezzies work me over. Least I might get a rise out of it."

"I'll give you a rise," Justin threatened and Brian yelped and ran as the coed chased him into their bedroom. "And I'm getting out the dildo!"


End file.
